Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
