Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
