don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
