Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
