I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
