Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
