this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
