Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
