let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I could make wine with my vomit
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
