Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
