we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
