took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
