i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
