Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They have beer where we have blood.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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