I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
