in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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