My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
