By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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