Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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