Sober January is a disaster.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
