It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
