You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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