Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
