Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Even my vagina gasped.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
