hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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