You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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