she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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