Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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