Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
