I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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