I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My liver just had a heart attack.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
