I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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