i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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