I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
