Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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