Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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