i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I could fuck to npr.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
