i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
