absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
