Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
