i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
