First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
