so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
