i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm passing your future prison.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
