Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
