She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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