She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
