I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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