The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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