dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize