Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
