I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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