A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Still dying that you shit outside
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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