you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
