I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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