butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize