you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
