I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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