I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize