Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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