how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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