Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
