Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
