I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think my mom watched the whole time
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
