I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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