All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
