reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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