When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
