I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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