are you still at the devil's house?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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