Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fuck appropriateness.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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