idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
