I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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