anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it because I queefed?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
