capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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