Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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