I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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