have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
