The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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