my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
